Some Hidden Holiday Gifts for the Kids, and for Us

Recently, I stumbled across this adage attributed to Ben Franklin: “Be at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let every new year find you a better man.”

Often, we aim to become better people when the calendar flips us into January. Even the most common New Year’s resolutions, to exercise more and to lose weight, require self-discipline and perseverance if we are to match desire with success.

For many of us, this busy season from Thanksgiving to New Year’s brings other virtues into play as well. We try, for example, to maintain control of the amount of money we spend on food and gifts. In the hectic rush of the holidays, many of us consciously attempt to avoid Scrooge’s “Bah, Humbug!” attitude and keep up a front of good cheer. We decorate our homes or send out Christmas cards when we’d rather be sprawled out on the sofa watching sports on TV.

In some ways, then, the holidays act as an annual boot camp for sharpening up our character. We may not see it that way, but it’s there.

But what about children? Can festivals such as Christmas or New Year’s serve as vehicles for building their character? And if so, are there ways we can boost those opportunities?

And stories can help lay those supporting stones.

The realm of literature, for instance, gives us many holiday treasures: classics underpinned with a moral message. Perhaps best-known is Dickens’s “A Christmas Carol,” with its warnings against greed and selfishness, but that’s only the lead-off hitter on this winning team. O. Henry’s short story “The Gift of the Magi” makes for a great family read-aloud on account of its brevity, but even more for its lesson in giving. The sadness of Hans Christian Andersen’s “The Little Match Girl” is not for all children, but from this fairy tale we learn the importance of kindness and the meaning of love. In Dr. Seuss’s “How the Grinch Stole Christmas,” the Grinch’s heart grows three sizes, and this story can help us and our little ones do the same.

Hollywood is also a treasure trove of inspirational holiday films. Lots of families watch “It’s a Wonderful Life” every year, with each visit bringing them the message that each life is precious. The 1951 version of “A Christmas Carol” might frighten some children, but Alastair Sim’s Scrooge is, in my book, the best, especially in the scenes where he finally embraces goodness and charity. “A Charlie Brown Christmas” shows us that bigger is not always better and reminds us of the true meaning of Christmas.

Ready to bake up a batch of Russian tea cakes, spritz cookies, or other holiday treats? Invite the kids, young and older, to join in the action. Sure, it’s messier, but put on some music, break out the sugar and flour, and go to town.

Overnight guests are expected? Have the kids ready up the bedroom and encourage any special touches they might like to add to make the room more appealing and more seasonal.

Decorate the Christmas tree together. If you own some heirloom ornaments, explain their meaning to the children. This may prompt questions that allow you to share the past with them.

Need to send out cards? Gather construction paper, scissors, glue, crayons, and other paraphernalia, and give the kids a blast making homemade greeting cards.

These times shared together can provide opportunities for thoughts and unexpected questions from your children. In addition, making cookies for a neighbor or sending out cards teaches them the importance of reaching out to touch the lives of others.

The holidays are also a great time to have friends and family over for cookie exchanges, indoor games, or just a simple evening of conversation over a glass of hot apple cider.

Gather some friends and go caroling, either through the neighborhood or at a local nursing home. In the case of the assisted-living home, ask a supervisor if after Christmas might be better. When I used to take my students on these outings, I learned that many of these residences for the elderly and infirm are jammed with carolers, musicians, and other visitors until Christmas Day, and then interest plummets. Consider going instead in January to add some post-holiday cheer.

Whether with toddlers or teens, donate canned and dry food goods to your local food bank or emergency shelter. This year, inflation has dramatically increased the demands on these centers for the hungry. At the same time, these centers have seen a drop in donations. The folks who depend on these places for food and the people who operate them need our help.

If you have a neighbor spending the holidays alone, send the children to invite him over for a meal. Keep in mind that many older people—I’m one of them—take enormous pleasure in spending time with kids and teens.

Kids are watching their parents and mentors all the time. Like Santa Claus, they “know if you’ve been good or bad.” Being bad, for instance, means getting frazzled and short-tempered over the holidays. It’s a common occurrence, but try to keep that frayed tiger on a leash. Staying upbeat, even when that smile hurts, provides your children and grandchildren with a wonderful example of cheerful perseverance in action.

Do these things, and you finish off the Santa Claus song, “So be good for goodness sake!” And you’re teaching that same virtue to them. What’s more, you’re also sharpening up your own virtues.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year’s, and all the best in 2023!