Something I really hate is the feeling of lying in bed at night, thinking back through my day, and knowing I really blew an opportunity to be present with my kids. I love being a dad, so it’s hard for me to admit that these days are far more common than I would like.
Being present with the people you love, particularly young children, still requires intentionality. The everyday chaos of life, work commitments, and daily chores compete for our attention, and their seeming urgency can easily consume our focus if we’re not making space for what we value most.
But there’s good news in all of this that I hope you’ll take to heart. We don’t have to be perfect parents to have a positive effect on our children. Admitting our failures and speaking openly about them can be a growing opportunity for everyone. And guess what: For those of us still in the thick of raising kids, every day is a new opportunity to practice being present with them and connecting more deeply.
The Art of Mindful Parenting
All right, so we know what it means to be present with our children and the benefits of living this way—let’s talk about some practical tips for embracing a more mindful approach to parenting that you can start applying today.Put Away Your Phone
When given the choice between an effortless and pleasurable activity, such as checking my phone, and one that requires my engagement but is more meaningful, such as playing with my kids, my mind too often prefers what is easy. This is especially true if I’m physically or emotionally tired.Listen Intently
Children aren’t wired for efficiency like many adults seem to be. Their stories and explanations tend to take a long and winding path toward a conclusion. One thing I like to remind myself is that I have a choice whether to see this “feature” of children as an annoyance or as an invitation to slow down and appreciate that productivity is far from the highest value in life. Try really paying attention when your children speak, and resist the urge to interrupt or speed them along.Practice Empathy
Spend some time with young children and you’ll quickly see that their emotions have a much wider range than adults’. It’s easy to let yourself feel annoyed by their lack of self-control.Challenges and Rewards
Mindful parenting isn’t a cure-all for every challenge a parent faces, but I do consider it to be the foundational attitude with which nearly everything else starts taking care of itself. What’s the opposite of being mindful? It’s being stressed, rushed, and distracted.Parenting in all its complexity simply doesn’t work well under those conditions. It’s hard to convey your love and values to your children when there isn’t a calm base of emotional security for those interactions to occur within.
Of course, it’s not easy to change your family culture overnight. Like any meaningful life change, the key is a long, sustained effort in a new direction. Start small by practicing mindful presence at particular times in the day, and build until it becomes your default response.
Your kids be grateful for your newfound patience, and I think you’ll find that parenting itself is so much more fun when you approach it in this way.