An elderly New Yorker with late-stage dementia often forgets herself, but she never fails to recognize her beloved husband of 63 years and has even coined a catchphrase: “He’s my guy!” The couple has unwittingly become a viral sensation since their son began sharing sweet moments from their family home on social media.
Originally from small towns south of Buffalo, New York, Bob and Betty Pettit, both 85, met in fifth grade and started dating as teens in 1955. They later married and had three sons. Bob was a civil engineer, while Betty was a full-time homemaker. Today, they live with their youngest son, 48-year-old self-employed web developer Joshua Pettit, at his home in Mooresville, North Carolina.
It was around 10 years ago when Bob began to notice his wife behaving strangely.
“Patience, understanding, and willingness to assist in all facets of a loved one’s existence is difficult to grasp at first. But with this disease, you learn that they need to increasingly rely upon you for basic tasks,” Bob told The Epoch Times.
The Early Signs
“She began to sometimes repeat stories, forget details, shuffle papers and items around, and misplace things,” Bob said.“She was unable to remember her phone number, or address, or manage checking out at a store without assistance. Sometimes we chalked it up to ’senior moments,' but looking back, we now see these were the early signs [of dementia].”
In 2014, Betty was diagnosed with lung cancer, then kidney cancer. She and Bob were living an active lifestyle at a senior community in Florida at the time, but decided to move to North Carolina for consistency in Betty’s treatment.
“Thankfully, both her cancers were dealt with surgically. She didn’t have to undergo any chemo or radiation,” said Bob.
Yet Betty had already had hip, hernia, and colon surgeries. Joshua said that anesthesia has the potential to accelerate memory problems.
Joshua said: “The condition got worse after the lung surgery. We consulted with a neurologist. At that point, she was already moderate-severe with Alzheimer’s.”
Betty was officially diagnosed in 2017, and her loved ones are still adjusting to her rapid demise.
Joshua remembers his mom as “always good-natured, fun, and a social butterfly” who volunteered with the church, Cub Scouts, and the local fire department’s ladies auxiliary. While no longer able to travel or socialize like before, Betty is surrounded by love and care at home.
‘He’s My Guy!’
Joshua’s decision to share snippets of life with Betty and Bob on social media came after catching his mom talking to herself in a full-length mirror during a Thanksgiving beach vacation in 2021. He was touched by her sweetness toward the reflection she did not recognize.“She started talking to herself as if it was another person,” Joshua said. “I was watching it happen, thought it was cute, and decided to film it. I posted it that evening on Facebook, just to my friends, and one of my friends joked that the video would be viral.”
“People were truly moved, not only by her kindness to herself, but they related to their own loved ones who had Alzheimer’s,” Joshua said. “People wanted to know more about Betty and see more of her, so I started doing videos talking to her, and those ended up including my father as well.”
Betty and Bob’s charming interactions over breakfast, or laughing over Bob’s goofy attempts to elicit a smile from his wife, get thousands of views. Even when Betty cannot recognize her own face in the wedding photo Bob has screen-printed on his cooking apron, she leans over sweetly to her spouse and reiterates, “He’s my guy.”
Watching Bob and Joshua take care of Betty has inspired social media users to send gifts through the mail, including cookies, blankets, stuffed animals, slippers, snow globes, and books for Betty, who remains confused about her fame but delighted by the love and attention.
A Steady Decline
There are so many sweet moments, Joshua said, but just as many challenging moments. Feedback from viewers has allowed him and his father to feel confident that they are doing a good job taking care of Betty and are not alone in their experience.Betty is now in the final stage of her disease. She needs help washing, dressing, using the bathroom, cutting up her food, and standing steady. But she remains at home where Bob is her full-time carer, Joshua assists, and the family has hired a part-time aide to give Bob some respite.
“The biggest thing to understand about this disease is it never improves, it only gets worse. It’s a constant and steady decline. So just when you think something is manageable, everything changes,” Joshua said. “There are times we have great patience, and times we lose our temper and get frustrated. The good news is, if you get upset or angry, she doesn’t remember and it passes, and you can recompose yourself and try to be more patient.”
Bob added: “We’re learning different ways to adapt the house and our surroundings to make her life easier, things like installing rails and devices so she can’t fall out of bed.”
‘Til Death Do Us Part
Bob has begun writing down his life story with Betty, to be compiled into a book of memories. Recalling falling in love with his wife, Bob wrote, “Betty was active in the school band and cheerleading. I began to notice her when I went to basketball games. ... I didn’t think I had a chance to date her.”Betty began dating a friend of Bob’s, but as Bob’s feelings intensified, he convinced his friend to “date girls at college” instead. He and Betty finally got together, but it took a blip on the radar for Bob to realize he had found his one true love.
“During the second year in college, my roommate, Karl, talked me into going to prom with a girl from his class,” he wrote. “It was a mistake on my part for taking another girl, as it hurt Betty. ... Afterward, we had a heart-to-heart talk, and it was then that I realized I had fallen in love.”
In the winter of 1958, Bob had an engagement ring made from his grandmother’s diamond and proposed just before Christmas. The couple tied the knot on Sept. 19, 1959, at the United Methodist Church in Ellicottville, New York. Bob’s best memories of their shared life include having their sons, buying their first home, retiring, and spending nine years touring the United States in an RV together.
Today, the couple has four adult grandchildren, and their family is still expanding.
Joshua said that caring for dementia patients is immensely challenging, and many caregivers don’t have the time or resources to care for their loved ones at home. He knows his family’s situation is precious.
“This is truly a widespread problem,” he said. “I felt like I was in the minority but have since talked to hundreds and thousands of other caregivers and people with dementia. ... Providing this level of care is truly something most people cannot imagine.
“I’m fortunate that I am able to have my parents here, with me. I’m in awe of the love my parents share. People joke that my dad has the ’til death do us part' part down!”
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